Don't we ALL just want companionship and love?

I came across this post yesterday, and wanted to flesh it out a bit on my own end. So go read it, and come back. Don't worry, it opens in a new window. :)

I really want to encourage you guys to talk to your children more about special needs (Autism, ADHD, Asperger's, etc) aside from the physical needs that are more obvious. Mental SN often go untalked about. Mental health in this country is untalked about in the extreme. Our children need to understand that sometimes some kids can appear to be annoying, or overeager, or loud, or whatever but they really just don't fully understand how to be friends yet and need friends to help guide them. They don't often perceive an outside view of themselves, and so they often commit social blunders.

However, being awkward or not apologizing easily doesn't make someone unlovable. It doesn't mean they should be relegated to the corner forever, alone. They need friendship and love as much as anyone. It's our job as parents to make sure they grow up taken care of, but also that they learn empathy, and that starts young. Teach your children to care for their peers, to look out for them, to love them. Special needs children are at very high risk for bullying (we've sadly seen our share of it at our elementary school), because they are different. They stand out from the crowd and don't always fit into the puzzle well. They don't get invited to the smaller parties. They don't get invited to other kids' homes to play. They don't get asked to be partners for projects. But some of the sweetest, brightest, most good-hearted children/people I've ever met have special needs of varying type.

Before my son was diagnosed with a SN disorder, I was pretty ignorant about teaching my kids about other special needs. I just figured if I taught them to be good people and have general empathy I was doing my job, but I realized that's not enough. I needed to go into more detail, I needed to broaden their worldview much more than I had. I needed to recognize that my kids are intelligent and CAN grasp a lot more of what this world hands them. Because everyone deserves understanding and love. Everyone deserves friends.

And it's up to us to show our children HOW to be friends, even with the unfriendly or awkward ones. Because they're human too, and have many of the same needs we do. Go have a talk tonight with your wee ones. Ask them if they have classmates that act weird, or are too hyper, or don't look them in the eye... Ask them what they think about them. Ask them if they know how some kids' brains don't function the same way and they have special ways of learning or emoting. Remind them of things they struggle with (math, football, social studies, maybe they are hard of hearing) and ask how they'd feel if they had few or no friends because of it. Explain that those SN kids really just want to play and have fun and be friends like their other friends do. Explain that sometimes those are the friendships you will truly treasure because you earned them, and they're not always easy. But sometimes... the rewards are profound. <3

Cupid Came Prepared!

I rarely get inspired creatively these days. Maybe it's permanent chemo brain, or maybe it's the ADD or Mommy Brain. Whatever the cause, it's a truth I live with. As a former artist sometimes it's hard to deal with. I used my artistry as a permanent descriptive. I WAS an artist. That's who I was.

We all change as we grow, though. I've morphed my artistry into a different like, by doing my own make-up in creative ways, and keeping my passion for photography alive. Sometimes though... sometimes I get tiny bursts of inspiration. Usually spurred on or helped by the best friend. She's good like that. :)

I signed up to send in a snack for my littlest's Kindergarten Valentine's Day party (I'm a room parent so I usually let the other parents volunteer in these areas.) We don't do birthday celebrations with treats at school anymore so we all figure it's ok to indulge on the party days, and there's always fresh fruit served, so we know they have a healthy option!

Well inspiration struck and I came up with a plan! Pinterest was giving me nothing that I wanted to do. Strawberries are always sent in, every party before this one had strawberries as the snack in some form or another. Since one of the kids doesn't like strawberries I wanted to avoid those this time since he seems to always have to turn down the treats during their parties.

So I came up with pretzels dipped in chocolate. But how to make them valentine's related? Heart sprinkles? Meh. So we (the aforementioned bestie and I) thought about it and came up with Cupid's Arrows! GENIUS, and easy - perfect! So without further ado, here's how I did them!

First, obviously you need to gather your supplies!

• Pretzel Sticks
• White Melting Chocolate
• Conversation Hearts
• Parchment Paper
• A large cookie sheet or table space - just somewhere to let them dry
• A measuring cup or other microwavable dish to melt the chocolate in (Make sure it's deep enough to dip the pretzels into!)
• Optional red food dye
• And a spoon for stirring the chocolate as it melts

The first step is to melt the chocolate! Generally, you take the pieces from their container, put them in the microwave-safe container and pop them in the micro for 30 second increments, stirring between, until melted thoroughly. Check your specific package for directions as they may be different from mine.

As the chocolate was melting, I decided to lay out a bunch of the conversation hearts along the top of the parchment-covered cookie sheet to make it easier for me. 

Once you have the chocolate melted you just start dipping pretzels! Get a generous amount of chocolate on them before laying them out. Once you cover the pretzel stick in chocolate, lay them out on the sheet and shove a conversation heart inverted into the chocolate-end of the pretzel. 

If you want to add some extra spunk you can add a little red food dye to the chocolate to make it pink, and then graduate to red after a while also! I did a mix of all three but it's not necessary - just make sure you do white then pink then red, you can't go backwards in color!

Let them all dry and package them up in a air-tight container!

I hope you enjoy the post and making these if you decide to! I did, and it was so easy my littlest (who's 5) was able to help a ton, doing most of it himself! 

You know you're a special needs mom if...

So many of us SN moms have been through the same struggles. Though we all have our own individual problems and situations, there are some near universal struggles we go through. I thought it would be fun to make a post about some of them! (I'm sure to leave off a LOT, please don't feel offended if some that are important to you aren't listed - I only have one SN child and only his specific set of struggles to go by!)


You know you're a special needs mom if...

• ...you keep snacks EVERYWHERE. Cars, purses, kitchen, living room, gym bags...
• ...one of the most dreaded things on your calendar is an IEP meeting.
• ...you silently analyze other kids you see hoping to spot another mom you can bond with.
• ...you're lucky to get three actual meals in a day.
• ..."being social" for yourself is no longer something you think about daily.
• ...you've found showers to be a luxury. 
• ...meal planning is akin to gouging out your own eyeballs.
• ...you keep toys in all the same places you keep snacks. 
• ...you are always on heightened anticipation mode.
• ...you have revamped all of your furniture to be sensory-easing.
• ...there are stretchy bands and rings and water filled balls EVERYWHERE.
• ...you sometimes have to get creative to keep your marriage a priority.
• ..."fidgeting" is a completely different term to you as a parent than when you weren't one.
• ...you feel you have a 6th sense where your child is concerned.
• ...you've spent more time at the doctor for your kids than you have for yourself your whole life.
• ...you wonder if there just aren't that many school birthday parties or if your kid is being singled out.
• ...you have a plethora of acronyms most people don't understand, that you use in every day conversation.
• ...you swear you'll lose your top if ONE MORE PERSON offers you unasked for advice.
• ..."Oh my kid does that too" usually is NOT comforting.

Yeah, I could go on for DAYS. What would you add to this list?

AHHHHHHH!

Yelling.


We all do it. We all (usually) feel bad about it.
But what about those of us who grew up in homes with constant yelling/screaming? How do we cope with yelling as adults?
Often, not so well.

I, for example, am highly stressed by yelling. It scares me, and I instantly go into shut-down/self-preservation mode. My husband is a yeller. He's Italian, and typically so. His normal speaking voice is about 3x as loud as mine. When he thinks he's speaking quietly he's speaking in a voice that for me would be fervent speech.

We have a difference here though. He was raised by an Italian family, all loud, all expressive. I was raised by angry parents who fought all the time. For him, it's just part of who you are, you're loud, because everyone else is loud. I, however, view it as anger and shy away from those who are having those types of conversations. I shut down. I stop interacting and go inside myself to hide.

I'll be honest and say I've been going to therapy for a while. And it's helped enormously. A lot of what I've figured out has come simply by my therapist's prodding questions and my bringing things to light I'd never thought to put together. In fact, she recently told me I didn't need to see her anymore, as she's seem drastic improvement with me and how I'm living and coping in this world.

One thing she helped me with: yelling. Both listening to it and doing it. I *hated* the fact that I yelled at my kids or my husband. I felt, as someone who knows how damaging that can be, that I was being a hypocrite and my self-worth was gradually washing away with each shriek. My therapist made me realize that EVERYONE yells, everyone gets mad, it's actually healthy to be upset and yell. But... only sometimes. I've learned some tricks on stopping the yell before it happens, or even how to recover after I've slipped and let it out with a vengeance.

Yelling, for me, is something that happens now. Not just something to put me immediately into shut-down mode. If it's a huge fight and there is a LOT of yelling... yes I'll break and shut down. It's my coping mechanism. It's what works for me. It's not ideal, at all, but it's biological and sometimes impossible to stop. But I'm doing better. I've gained perspective. I've gained strength. I've gained self-respect and the ability to take a stand for myself, to myself. And it's been wonderful.

Are you a yeller? How do you deal with others yelling?
I came across this site a while back, before therapy: http://theorangerhino.com/
It's an anti-yelling-at-your-kids challenge, and I love the idea! It's a great resource if you want to stop your yelling. Let me know how you do!

I have a problem. I don't let things go. I get sucked right back into drama from years ago far too easily.
I know it's torturous. I know it's negative. I know NOTHING GOOD will come out of it... but I do it anyway.

Why? I don't know. Maybe I like to be a little self-loathing. Maybe I like to feel better about myself because I can see how stupid some people can be. Maybe I LIKE being pissed off at people and holding grudges.

Whatever the reason, I need to learn to LET SHIT GO. Seriously. It's beyond stupid for me to keep doing this to myself. I know it is, but I continue to do it. I continue to live in What If land and wallow in the memory of fights lost.

Some day... some day I hope to finally figure out how to stop doing this.

3,3,3,3

Today Mr and I have been married for 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days.

Here are 33 reasons I can't live without him:

1. He used to sing me "Babe" by Styx over the phone a million years ago.
2. He has the sweetest voice in the world.
3. He loves and compliments my flawed body, ruined by childbirth, as if it were perfection.
4. He always gives me a second "bye" when we get off of the phone. On the rare days he misses it I get so sad!
5. He KNOWS me. Truly more than I even know myself. 
6. He taps his hands and fingers CONSTANTLY. It drives me NUTS but it's such a Mr thing that I would miss so much if it stopped.
7. He loves everything I ever make him to eat. Even if I fail and hate it, he will still eat it! Not that that happens often. I'm a good cook. ;)
8. He loves my kids. LOVES them. They are HIS in his mind. He will do ANYTHING for them and DOES. 
9. He is such an amazing provider for our family. We're a little typical in our gender roles, but it works for us. 
10. We have so much in common musically! We have so few things we don't like that the other likes. I could probably count on two hands anything one of us likes that the other hates. It's AMAZING because music is SO important in our lives. 
11. He has NEVER not been there for me when I needed him. 
12. He tolerates my hatred of the ocean, even though he's a fish.
13. He respects me and my decisions and thoughts.
14. He RARELY questions me.
15. He rubs my back any time I ever ask. :)
16. He is predictable. I know what to expect from him and that is so comforting.
17. He does his man-jobs without complaint! Carrying in the Christmas Tree, taking out the trash, whatever!
18. He brings me anything I ask for, any time. In bed, sitting on the couch sick. Even if I'm just lazy! If I ask him for something he will always just get up and get it!
19. He introduces me to such amazing things! 
20. He tolerates my near-hoarder ways.
21. He is so goofy. 
22. He keeps me grounded and logics me into seeing his way. haha
23. He is SO LOGICAL. It's maddening sometimes, but it's so awesome.
24. He's incredibly smart. 
25. He's a total nerd.
26. He will take us out to do anything I ask. Park? Let's go. Science center? Sure! The city? Why not!
27. He keeps me accountable.
28. He appreciates me and all I do for him.
29. He likes the same candy and desserts as me so we don't have to argue over what to get.
30. He wants the best for our kids and will defend them to the death.
31. He stands up for me and protects me.
32. He's perfectly content to be an introvert with me and just hang out at home all the time.
33. He loves me. Completely, without question. Always has and always will. 

Chemotherapy blows.

Well I started chemotherapy, on June 14. It's been pure hell. I was dizzy (so much so that I couldn't open my eyes and barely could get from the couch to the bathroom) for 4 days straight, went to the MSKCC urgent care (nightmare) got pumped full of fluid and sent home. I've been slightly dizzy since then as well, it hasn't gone away totally yet. I had something like restless leg syndrome, but covering my whole body for 3 days. My vision went wonky for a few days, including aura like with a migraine, even if I had no migraine to go with it. I've had migraines. The anti-nausea meds caused headaches that debilitated me. Lots and lots of heart palpitations. The neulasta shot (given to amp up white blood cell count) made my bones hurt so bad it honestly rivaled kidney stone pain (and I've had 1.6cm stones, I'm not joking), and sent weird throbbing palpitation-like pains throughout my abdomen, up my back and down my legs.

Oh, and did I mention my entire mouth has been covered in sores to the point I no longer have taste buds, nor can I eat almost anything at all since like day 2? Yup. The numbing mouthwash I was prescribed also makes me gag and almost puke because of the undertaste.

This is all aside from the normal chemo stuff like exhaustion (my arms and legs occasionally feel like they weigh 400lbs each) and nausea. Oh, and I'm finally going bald.

And it's all prophylactic. I don't have to do it. So. I might stop. Because it's killing me. It's so much worse than anyone ever thought it would be. My doctors are shocked by how bad it is, but not that sympathetic. They're also impossible to get a hold of. I call first thing in the morning and they call back after hours or the next day. And god forbid I miss the call, then it's another day of waiting. No matter how serious the issue is. I am not a patient, I'm a product. The rest of the hospital/cancer center has been amazing, but this one? SUCKS. I call and ask to speak to the Dr specifically and I get a medical assistant calling me back 7 hours later? Not ok.


So that's where I'm at now. Waiting for Monday to come so the Dr might actually call me back from my request on Wednesday, to talk about quitting. Because I hate this, and I feel it's doing far more bad than good. Considering my Sarcoma Dr assumes I'm disease free already.