Learning to soar above the pains and hurts this world delivers.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

You know you're a special needs mom if...

So many of us SN moms have been through the same struggles. Though we all have our own individual problems and situations, there are some near universal struggles we go through. I thought it would be fun to make a post about some of them! (I'm sure to leave off a LOT, please don't feel offended if some that are important to you aren't listed - I only have one SN child and only his specific set of struggles to go by!)


You know you're a special needs mom if...
  • ...you keep snacks EVERYWHERE. Cars, purses, kitchen, living room, gym bags...
  • ...one of the most dreaded things on your calendar is an IEP meeting.
  • ...you silently analyze other kids you see hoping to spot another mom you can bond with.
  • ...you're lucky to get three actual meals in a day.
  • ..."being social" for yourself is no longer something you think about daily.
  • ...you've found showers to be a luxury. 
  • ...meal planning is akin to gouging out your own eyeballs.
  • ...you keep toys in all the same places you keep snacks. 
  • ...you are always on heightened anticipation mode.
  • ...you have revamped all of your furniture to be sensory-easing.
  • ...there are stretchy bands and rings and water filled balls EVERYWHERE.
  • ...you sometimes have to get creative to keep your marriage a priority.
  • ..."fidgeting" is a completely different term to you as a parent than when you weren't one.
  • ...you feel you have a 6th sense where your child is concerned.
  • ...you've spent more time at the doctor for your kids than you have for yourself your whole life.
  • ...you wonder if there just aren't that many school birthday parties or if your kid is being singled out.
  • ...you have a plethora of acronyms most people don't understand, that you use in every day conversation.
  • ...you swear you'll lose your top if ONE MORE PERSON offers you unasked for advice.
  • ..."Oh my kid does that too" usually is NOT comforting.

Yeah, I could go on for DAYS. What would you add to this list?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

AHHHHHHH!

Yelling.


We all do it. We all (usually) feel bad about it.
But what about those of us who grew up in homes with constant yelling/screaming? How do we cope with yelling as adults?
Often, not so well.

I, for example, am highly stressed by yelling. It scares me, and I instantly go into shut-down/self-preservation mode. My husband is a yeller. He's Italian, and typically so. His normal speaking voice is about 3x as loud as mine. When he thinks he's speaking quietly he's speaking in a voice that for me would be fervent speech.

We have a difference here though. He was raised by an Italian family, all loud, all expressive. I was raised by angry parents who fought all the time. For him, it's just part of who you are, you're loud, because everyone else is loud. I, however, view it as anger and shy away from those who are having those types of conversations. I shut down. I stop interacting and go inside myself to hide.

I'll be honest and say I've been going to therapy for a while. And it's helped enormously. A lot of what I've figured out has come simply by my therapist's prodding questions and my bringing things to light I'd never thought to put together. In fact, she recently told me I didn't need to see her anymore, as she's seem drastic improvement with me and how I'm living and coping in this world.

One thing she helped me with: yelling. Both listening to it and doing it. I *hated* the fact that I yelled at my kids or my husband. I felt, as someone who knows how damaging that can be, that I was being a hypocrite and my self-worth was gradually washing away with each shriek. My therapist made me realize that EVERYONE yells, everyone gets mad, it's actually healthy to be upset and yell. But... only sometimes. I've learned some tricks on stopping the yell before it happens, or even how to recover after I've slipped and let it out with a vengeance.

Yelling, for me, is something that happens now. Not just something to put me immediately into shut-down mode. If it's a huge fight and there is a LOT of yelling... yes I'll break and shut down. It's my coping mechanism. It's what works for me. It's not ideal, at all, but it's biological and sometimes impossible to stop. But I'm doing better. I've gained perspective. I've gained strength. I've gained self-respect and the ability to take a stand for myself, to myself. And it's been wonderful.

Are you a yeller? How do you deal with others yelling?
I came across this site a while back, before therapy: http://theorangerhino.com/
It's an anti-yelling-at-your-kids challenge, and I love the idea! It's a great resource if you want to stop your yelling. Let me know how you do!

Monday, April 28, 2014

I have a problem. I don't let things go. I get sucked right back into drama from years ago far too easily.
I know it's torturous. I know it's negative. I know NOTHING GOOD will come out of it... but I do it anyway.

Why? I don't know. Maybe I like to be a little self-loathing. Maybe I like to feel better about myself because I can see how stupid some people can be. Maybe I LIKE being pissed off at people and holding grudges.

Whatever the reason, I need to learn to LET SHIT GO. Seriously. It's beyond stupid for me to keep doing this to myself. I know it is, but I continue to do it. I continue to live in What If land and wallow in the memory of fights lost.

Some day... some day I hope to finally figure out how to stop doing this.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

3,3,3,3

Today Mr and I have been married for 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days.

Here are 33 reasons I can't live without him:


  1. He used to sing me "Babe" by Styx over the phone a million years ago.
  2. He has the sweetest voice in the world.
  3. He loves and compliments my flawed body, ruined by childbirth, as if it were perfection.
  4. He always gives me a second "bye" when we get off of the phone. On the rare days he misses it I get so sad!
  5. He KNOWS me. Truly more than I even know myself. 
  6. He taps his hands and fingers CONSTANTLY. It drives me NUTS but it's such a Mr thing that I would miss so much if it stopped.
  7. He loves everything I ever make him to eat. Even if I fail and hate it, he will still eat it! Not that that happens often. I'm a good cook. ;)
  8. He loves my kids. LOVES them. They are HIS in his mind. He will do ANYTHING for them and DOES. 
  9. He is such an amazing provider for our family. We're a little typical in our gender roles, but it works for us. 
  10. We have so much in common musically! We have so few things we don't like that the other likes. I could probably count on two hands anything one of us likes that the other hates. It's AMAZING because music is SO important in our lives. 
  11. He has NEVER not been there for me when I needed him. 
  12. He tolerates my hatred of the ocean, even though he's a fish.
  13. He respects me and my decisions and thoughts.
  14. He RARELY questions me.
  15. He rubs my back any time I ever ask. :)
  16. He is predictable. I know what to expect from him and that is so comforting.
  17. He does his man-jobs without complaint! Carrying in the Christmas Tree, taking out the trash, whatever!
  18. He brings me anything I ask for, any time. In bed, sitting on the couch sick. Even if I'm just lazy! If I ask him for something he will always just get up and get it!
  19. He introduces me to such amazing things! 
  20. He tolerates my near-hoarder ways.
  21. He is so goofy. 
  22. He keeps me grounded and logics me into seeing his way. haha
  23. He is SO LOGICAL. It's maddening sometimes, but it's so awesome.
  24. He's incredibly smart. 
  25. He's a total nerd.
  26. He will take us out to do anything I ask. Park? Let's go. Science center? Sure! The city? Why not!
  27. He keeps me accountable.
  28. He appreciates me and all I do for him.
  29. He likes the same candy and desserts as me so we don't have to argue over what to get.
  30. He wants the best for our kids and will defend them to the death.
  31. He stands up for me and protects me.
  32. He's perfectly content to be an introvert with me and just hang out at home all the time.
  33. He loves me. Completely, without question. Always has and always will.